Darling My Lydia

She’s stepping up to the ledge
You can see her,
she’s on the Golden Gate bridge.

She’s looking down,
down into the water;
her whole life flashed before her eyes.

Bet you wouldn’t blame her.
Bet you’d try to save her if you
knew the life she’s lived.

Bet you’re to-late now.
Watch her look up to the sky.
Bet her heart ain’t pounding.
Bet she’s already making up her mind.

There’s no use calling out now;
no use wasting your time.
She’s jumping off into the water.
She’s done making up her mind.

When you leave here;
when you see them.
Remember to tell them all;
“This was the night that Darling my Lydia
chose to die…”

~Dizy Lizzy

Baby

Inject me baby.
Let your sweet poison in.
Reflect me baby.
Every moan that I dive in.

Oh’ Sugar is sweet but
it isn’t your taste
and the velvet is soft but
it isn’t your touch.
I could dream of those lips but
it isn’t your heat
I need you baby…

I said I
need you baby…

Inject me baby…
Let your sweet poison in.
Make me baby,
I been so ill without you.
without you…

I need you baby…

Oh’ I said I need you baby.

~Dizy Lizzy

Words I Cannot Say (The Spider games)

I know you…
Not so well as others;
maybe better than a few.

Words of mine spill out to you as freely as
a wind swept sand dune.
I choke and then it comes.

Rules and regulations
of the spider games we’ve played
deny and forsake anything real;
anything possible.

I was not human.
I was not designed to feel,
to love. To want or to need.
A thing left in the nothing;
a heartless to intimate love.

It was not in my design to contemplate
what could or could not be.
To wake to dawn in thought of you.
And end my dusk remembering what you’ve said
I’ve found most unsettling yet somehow
exhilarating.

Now I find myself entangled…
Caught in a spider’s web
encasing a badger’s nest.
Any word I say could be the fall of me.
Anything left unsaid could bring
the “never know”…

I wish I had the courage for this.
The courage I show in most things.
To always fight and push forward.
When it cuts deep to take that
deep inhale and lift my head higher .
My eyes steady and held on a horizon
and a drive to stay alive.
I was designed for that;
I could handle that.

Alas, I find myself without the voice
to birth the words that strangle me
in my wakeful hours.

Words to leave me terrified;
their roots imbedded in a part of me
that was meant to never be
softened or warmed again.
A part of me locked up and
hidden from the monsters
that might seek it.

There is a fear in me.
It keeps it’s muzzle tight.
It has made morality it’s companion
and the union is bittersweet.

It tells me what to fear and how
to fall and then it leads my heart
to the crossroads.

A slaughter house or
a bottle of cheap intoxication
in the shadow of a celebration.

It keeps pointing out to me
the crimes I have committed.
Against my own law.
Against the spider games.

It tells me I will lose
but I cannot break my will.
I’ve tried; I’ve failed.

All lay with me now is fear
of the slaughter and the
words I cannot Say…

~Dizy Lizzy

Faces or ( Park benches II )

I sit on park benches
just starin out.
Watching faces just pass by
in the crowd.

They’re all different.
They’re all the same.
Makes no difference
they’re not you
it’s always the same.

While you keep walkin streets
I keep prayin in my dreams.
Hoping you might turn up
in the crowds of all the faces;
make the difference and take away
all the sameness.

Just come walkin by
those lonely park benches.
Come and sit with me
on those lonely park benches.
Watching faces just keep
passing by in the crowds.

~Dizy lizzy

Park Benches

I sit on park benches just starin out.
The leaves fallin round, they swarm all about.
I look up as I hear your voice;
see you standing there.
You were standin there but you’re
not…

Oh’ they say time passes by
like the seasons; keep changin.
People keep movin on,
they grow older with life.

I just keep on sittin down,
I’m sittin down on that faded park bench
just waiting on you.
Oh’ baby, I’m waitin for you.

Now you walk through your life
yeah you’re singin your song.
And your lyrics they
ring all about like a storm.
And I just keep straining to hear
those sweet words but darlin?
Oh’ but darlin are they for me?

I said darlin,
oh’ darlin are they for me?

Now the wind whispers sweet with
the rain in the air.
And I’m feelin it, I’m hearing it
but you’re really not there.
It’s getting colder outside.
And I left my jacket in the ghost of your ride.

Will you be commin back
or is this just your way
of not keepin track.
You’re not making up time.

Is it the things that you fear?
That you will never be near?
Cause darlin the wind is still blowing
and I’m still right here.

~Dizy Lizzy

And It began

 

 

Why did you feed me all these lies?
I choked them down with your bitter blood.
All I can’t remember means nothing.
And all I know is this-pain..
And it began. . . .

She wasn’t able to deflect his cold disease.
And it began. . . .

She couldn’t see his dark intentions
as she breathed him slow into her life;
she was his shadow, his
footprint left behind deep-in the cold-snow..
And it began. . .

Too often we turn a blind eye to everything
that was supposed to be alright in the world.
Convince ourselves-that it’s all gonna be alright as we weep
there in-the-dark.
Heaven let the angel down again.
And it began..

She listened
to the screaming bloody broken words;
ignored them, for as long as it would last until they ate her.
Until they broke her down.
And it began. . .

She left-herself.
Turned her face away from his mirror,
pretend the pain was just what had to be;
what was supposed to be.
And he spun her down into ground glass.
And it began. . .

She twisted her mind.
Let the hurt become her blanket;
wrapped around her warm and all alone.
She never wept; never wept in front of anyone.
She kept it to herself all that she carried on her plate,
and she drove on.
Watching days turn into years.
a labyrinth of no undefeated end.
And it began. . .

Gone to that world in her head.
She’s not coming back.
all the guardians that hold her;
all the shields are intertwined.
No barricade broken down,
no human contact to the real inside.
And it began. . .

They say she ended it right where it began.
They say she drug out all his lies,
the memories; distant thoughts
that she kept hidden for herself.
And it began. . .

They say she lay upon the cold floor.
dead and all alone, as she lay weeping.
Drag the blade across her ever slowly.
Let her feel the pain.
And it began. . .

she lay her head back on the cushion of her blood,
and closed her eyes to sleep.
. . .
~ Dizy Lizzy

Desperate Nightmare

A hand wrought to soothe.
A voice designed;
created to manipulate.
A breath to lull her to be still.
A bite to hold her there;
a bite to murder will.

She breaths not!
Holding breath to keep
the weep a secret;
a hidden dream forsaken
with every silent tear
of bitter sacrifice.

Hate will hold her hand
to keep the fever hounds at bay.
Fear will drive her
heart to cease to race.

And she falls;
A strained fight.
She disappears.
Reality becomes nightmare
as she forces herself awake
into sky’s lucid dream.

A promise ghost;
the senses numb her
and she is zone.

The walls and ceilings
turn to nothing.
Outer space;
a beautiful cosmos.
She hangs there in the middle,
somewhere between eternity
and cold.
She suspends herself
curled into her ball,
enfolding silence around her;
a sweet cocoon.

Tears flow fast and hard;
her guardians float around her
like the weeping angels of genocide.
She curls to the fold; to see a face,
to feel a different hand;
a different breath.

A hand wrought to soothe
A voice designed;
created to protect
a breath to lull to satisfy.

She breaths not
Holding breath to keep
the weep a secret
a hidden dream come to fruition
with every silent tear
of sweeter sacrifice;
the nightmare bids her back.

And..

Fear will hold her hand
to keep the fever hounds at bay.
Hate will drive her
heart to cease to race.

And she falls…
Reality becomes her
as she rolls to hide;
to close the doors.
Sleep will welcome her.

Pretend,
will be her guardian.
To hold her.
To save her.
To take her away.

Until the clock chimes her
of her time
and she will flee.

~Dizy Lizzy

Coming Soon!!!

A graphic tale into a world that few have the stomach to venture into. A dark under-life that few ever see or come to know or become involved in. Some venture into it looking for pleasure of one the darkest most vile and forbidden natures . Others are forced into it to give that pleasure despite the ravenous longing to get out alive. But some… Some are born into it, into  living nightmare that few ever get a ticket out of… Stop for a moment and let her name roll off your tongue… “Shiloh De Bergerac’” Not a classic heroin or a courageous hero. Not a villain, Just a girl. Just a 17 year old spark in a world where light is something for the perfect and the blind see everything Hell is a cornerstone and your darkest demons have you bound by their own blood.  A world where the darkest shadow is our greatest comfort and the perfect silence; our savior… To tell you more about this girl would be giving it away. Her picture is not one of granduer-not a pose of a modern day slut begging for that last bump of blow her lips could suck out of  Him. She is not what your darkest fairytales will allow…

 

~Dizy Lizzy

 

.

You

To think of you is a
bittersweet heartbreak.

I dream of oceans to meet you.
The waves crashing against
the rocky cliffs and you are there.

I close my eyes- I see your face
I see you’re dark eyes;
you are looking at me-
you are smiling.
I wonder do you think of me
this way?

I watch street signs
and lamp posts-
white line that travels
and buildings in the sun.
go by from the speeding wheels
my heart travels on.

Every window
carries your reflection
like the flashing neon sign
of the place I go to try to forget.
I cannot forget,
I can never forget…

Every spoken word I hear
carries your voice to me
like a thrown dagger to
the deepest part of me
that bleeds for you.
I take a breath but you
wedge yourself in deeper
with every ounce of air
that fills my needy lungs.

A piercing pulling ripping
sting and grip until
mine eyes they spill
hot down my cheeks
that seers and burns
the blisters rise-
no one sees.

To be without you
reminds me that
I was whole when
you were here for me.
Days were brighter-
skies less grey.
I was closer to happy.

Now hearing your
voice it just rips
me in two.

Seeing pictures of you
just pixels of colors
put together to
make you;
reminds me that you will
come back;
that you are not gone
for good.

Things I have to believe
to keep moving on.
To go forward and keep my
lights still bright for you;

Always shining for you…

~Dizy Lizzy

Neutral

I turn over and the rush comes.
A million pinpricks of light
usher into me – away from me;
stunning me from the useless sleep.

A rest of hurried
dizziness and a grappling float
to ease the sting and bite of
gnarled, cankered reality is not
the forefront of my need.

I want for more
though I shall not have it.
Possessions and achievements
turn to disease of lust of
my collections- a pride with reason.
I was so in love with the
season of my creations.

All is lost yet it is not.
A clock somewhere on some cheap
imitation wall keeps tocking at me.
It tells me time keeps going and
ushers me to move with it-
I do, it isn’t the hardest thing-
it won’t be the easiest thing.
Still just the same I move along.

Now weathered and scared;
broken and mending I see myself
as neither one thing nor the other.
I simply am- a state of being.
Whether reality is questionable
I am still here just the same.
As i have always been since my
defusable birth.

Streets I pass are never mended.
Always broken cracks to step over
Always rainy sidewalks to sniff
the fresh of scattered dirt and
welcome in the autumn and the spring rains.

Life walks with me as i breathe in the sultry
And sometimes frigid air of wind.
I feel it through my hair like some
strange caress and I close
my eyes to take it in.
The only affection i need-
the only affection with
which I am in love.

As scattered eyes may look at me
to find me an enigma
i keep moving and ignore it
save for questions answered wholly.

I am not some porcelain god
sat up on a rickety shelf in
the master’s great china shop.
I am not The bull in the stampede
of knocking, thrashing,
stabbing horns during the running.

In my life I am neither
fearless nor with fear.
I am not strong nor un-strong.

Simply I find myself neutral.
A basin in the wake of a great Niagara.
Everything falls into me
but never returns from me.

And So I turn over and the rush comes.
A million pinpricks of light
usher into me – away from me;
stunning me from the useless sleep.

A rest of hurried
dizziness and a grappling float
to ease the sting and bite of
gnarled, cankered reality is not
the forefront of my need
nor ever will it be…